Pekingese

As I watched the National Dog Show this past Thursday (you know, the one after the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade?) I had one recurring thought. Frankie is not a Pekingese.

I mean, c’mon! Do you see any resemblence between these two dogs? And before you answer, the correct response is no. Absolutely not.

This ridiculous creature, Rodger, won Best in Group and was competing for Best in Show before he was (thankfully) edged out by a dog that actually looked like a dog, the American Foxhound. Until then, I was having flashbacks to Malachy, the 2012 winner of Best in Show at Westminster. Then I was reluctant to admit Frankie’s breed for weeks. Now I’m denying it all together.

Of course, it would only be fitting to have a comical dog win the whole thing, since the event is so ripe for comedy anyway. I can never watch a dog show without thinking of the hysterical 2000 comedy film Best in Show. And when the commentator is J. Peterman from Seinfeld! Well, I’d tune in for amusement’s sake alone, even if I didn’t love dogs.

But back to Frankie’s identity crisis.

Since he was adopted from Petco (sorry, but I think it’s crazy to be buying and selling dogs in a world where so many are euthanized), it’s certainly possible that Frankie is a mix and his lineage somewhat less than accurate. Mom and I scanned the breeds for sight of more respectable would-be parents.

The French Bulldog remains a front runner because of Frankie’s size (they get up to 25 lbs. as opposed to the pipsqueak Pekingese, who’s only allowed to max out at 14 lbs.in the ring). And Frankie’s got that bulldog temperament. If you don’t think he’s stubborn, just see how long he’ll stare at you for something he wants before huffing at you in disgust and walking away.

Then I spotted the adorable Tibetan Spaniel and declared him another possibility. We also can’t deny the recognition on some former Pekingese owner’s faces. This leads me to believe that the show variety and the street variety are, quite literally, two different animals.

But the truth remains a mystery that only Frankie’s mother and father know the answer to. Well, them and modern science.

You see, for just $59.99 you can have your doggy’s DNA tested. Call us crazy. We’re going to do it. A simple swab of the cheek at home will tell us everything we want to know. I can just hear my friend Michele’s disdain for the idea and realize some people will find this ludicrous. “They must have money to burn,” Michele is thinking.

Not quite. But it is a luxury, I realize. What can I say? We’ve become like millions of besotted pet owners, though we haven’t sat for a pet portrait and don’t plan to. But, we can’t wait to find out. We’re clearing up the mystery once and for all. Just please don’t let him be pure Pekingese.

I’m embarrassed to call Frankie a Pekingese. Meet Malachy, winner of the 136th Annual Westminster Kennel Club’s Best in Show. And a Pekingese.

The only dogs that looked more ridiculous were a hairless Chinese Crested and a Poodle that paraded around with its’ bouffant hair-do and ballooned ankles. This mop-on-a-leash actually elicited laughs from the audience and caused one announcer to jokingly wonder if he could even make it around the ring. Large dogs ran around the arena. Most had a gait that at least required their handlers to break into a fast walk. Malachy waddled. And his handler walked like he was waiting on Grandma with her walker. Malachy was the only dog continually being fluffed and groomed on camera. But he was also the only dog I saw with such potential for a bad hair day.

After Malachy took the Toy Group, the action culminated with seven dogs, one from each division, competing for Best in Show honors. There was an interesting moment when the final judge was announced. (She’d actually been sequestered for two days like a jury member on a celebrity murder trial.) After introducing her and her stewards (whatever they are,) a brief scuffle ensued behind them. Since the announcers didn’t miss a beat or even acknowledge it, I had to look it up. PETA protesters had turned up. Now, I happen to agree that it’s senseless that millions of unwanted animals die every year while breeders keep churning out full-breds and designer dogs, but I enjoy a good spectacle as much as the next girl.

And spectacle it was. The final seven did another lap around Madison Square Garden under dimmed lights and swirling spotlights. The grand finale had all the building tension and drama of a tightrope act at the circus. Malachy was up against some real dog’s dogs. We’re talking a German Shepherd, a Doberman and a Dalmatian. Dogs that would’ve laughed this little guy right out of the dog park.

As I watched his little pink tongue panting with the effort of his exertions, I strained to see something of Frankie in him. Maybe the large, round eyes. Thankfully, it was hard to see any resemblance whatsoever. I’m sure you’ll agree. And from now on, whenever anyone asks what kind of dog Frankie is, I’ll tell them he’s a Pekingese mix. Emphasis on the mix.

Amy F. Quincy Author/Freelance Writer

Tag

Mistaken Identity

…Comedy Show Maybe