It pains me to do this, but I must. Many of you have told me how much you look forward to Sunday’s blog…BUT…I have to focus on my book. You may see a Do Not Disturb sign a time or two in the future. Remember to hang your own sign (even if it’s just on the bathroom door for 10 minutes!) when life gets a little too full. Don’t forget to carve time out for yourself.
Nobody sees a flower – really – it is so small it takes time – we haven’t time – and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.
~Georgia O’Keefe (1887-1986)
I’ve been thinking about friendship and looking through old pictures. My best friend has a birthday coming up and I’m making her a surprise. I won’t say what it is, though I shouldn’t worry. She never reads my blog. With three young boys, I can hardly blame her. (Notice I said hardly. I do blame her a tiny bit.)
We’ve been friends for 30 years now. As friends we’ve seen each other through divorce, disability and the tumultuous teens. There were fights over boys that neither of us remember the names of. She kissed the boy I carried a torch for. I left with her prom date. (Hey, it was junior high! I think his mom drove. Not exactly a scandal.) We’ve weathered the storms and survived the inevitable falling outs.
Lifetime friends do that.
This week’s blog post is all about failure. I’m cloaked in it.
I had two goals for the summer and guess what? Kids are heading back to school and I haven’t accomplished either one of them.
I wanted to shed 10-15 pounds. (I think I actually gained weight.) And I told members of my writing group if I was still working on my unfinished book come Fall they should just shoot me. (Now I run the risk of someone packing at Panera.)
If I may offer up my pathetic excuse — I had a houseguest for several weeks. And she’s a fabulous cook and fellow food lover. So, that explains my waistline. But, it’s less of a reason for my stalled memoir. That’s not to say I haven’t been writing. I have. The proof is in this blog. But, it’s become increasingly obvious that I can’t do both.
So, you will notice that some of my usually short and sweet posts have become even shorter and sweeter. And the category “Keeping It Simple” may become quite full.
Meanwhile, here’s a few quotes I found on the topic of failure that cheered me up and reminded me, like my friend Mary, (“goals schmoals!”) not to be too hard on myself.
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
~ Michael Jordan
“There is no failure except in no longer trying. “
~ Elbert Hubbard
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
~Theodore Roosevelt
I apologize for the hurried and extremely short nature of this post, but I’m headed to Mom’s to go swimming. I had a garage sale yesterday and after having teams of strangers swarming in my driveway and pawing through my stuff (it was very successful,) I’m feeling the need to retreat. Frankie is already there and we’ll take a nice, long walk. Mom and I will swim, maybe watch a movie. Follow my lead today. It’s Sunday. Don’t exert yourself.
I’m not prepared. Either mentally or physically. I have no money, no time, and very little good cheer. Not that I’m a Grinch. I’m not. I’m as pleasant as usual. But it seems this time of year requires extra pleasantness when all I really want to do is be left alone to don my sweatpants and eat a big plate of Christmas cookies. Baked by somebody else, of course.
I attempted to commiserate with a friend a while ago. I should have known by the carol music playing in her car well before Thanksgiving that I was barking up the wrong Christmas tree. Turns out she’s Martha Stewart’s fourth cousin twice removed. She’s had her shopping done since October.
If you’re also kin to Martha, then by all means, bake, shop and decorate away! The season is what it is because of you and your 10-foot trees and chocolate rum balls. If, however, you’re more like me — here are a few of my survival tips:
One for all. This year, almost everyone in my family is getting the same thing. It isn’t unthoughtful if you put a lot of care into picking that one item. You’re really just taking a great idea and duplicating it. I have a standard wedding present that gets rave reviews — delivered champagne and chocolates. A friend has a favorite bereavement gift that includes a comforting, soft blanket and beautiful engraved wind chimes. Giving in mass works for friends and co-workers too. A variety of teas, cocoa and a candy cane with a nice bar of chocolate in 20 mini-stockings and you’re good to go.
Bag it. Do yourself a favor. Use gift bags instead of wrapping paper. Avoid the hassle of needing the scissors, tape and bows. Or better still, opt for gift wrapping if it’s free.
Just say no. Don’t feel obligated to do everything. There’s a reason more people get sick this time of year and it usually involves burning the Menorah at both ends. I’m not suggesting you skip the office Christmas party and all of the good gossip that entails, but you don’t have to R.S.V.P. yes to every invite in the mail. Speaking of mail, one thing I’m forgoing this year is holiday cards. Skip the stress of that terrible moment when you open a card from the neighbor you left off your list. And I’ve never been the family newsletter type. I find that when you write a blog, people you’ve never met know your life story anyway.
‘Tis better to give … Instead of buying one more anything for the person who has everything, why not experience the joy of giving to someone who really needs it? Let the people on your list know that this year you will be doing something charitable with your holiday budget. Who can gripe about that? I found so many organizations online and ways to give, it’s hard to pick just one. Help nationally through the Salvation Army, Toys for Tots or Make a Wish Foundation. Or research programs in your area. Provide presents for a low-income family, shop for children with a parent in prison or give to the victims of domestic violence. How about helping make the holidays brighter for the family of a fallen military soldier? Pick what tugs at your heartstrings the most.
“Get it yourself!” Let them buy what they really want. Gift cards are quick to purchase, easy to redeem, and can be slipped in a stocking. Plus, you avoid the risk of buying the wrong thing in the wrong size.
If you’re still feeling overwhelmed, there’s always egg nog. Sane animals usually hibernate this time of year. So, take a tip from nature: unplug the phone, stay in your pajamas, and don’t come out till it’s 2012. It’ll all be over soon.
This past Friday, I went to a memorial service for a woman named Rosemary Fletcher. Because she was a dance professor, there was a beautiful performance of modern dance. After many heartfelt words and shared memories, everyone got up and sang. Some even shook their stuff. Joy through tears — a wonderful emotion. Guests were encouraged to leave with packets of wildflower seeds tied with sprigs of, what else? Rosemary. Is it inappropriate to say it was the best funeral I’ve ever attended?
I was touched by an excerpt of poetry read from Mary Oliver’s “The Ponds.” It perfectly embodies how Rosemary lived her life. It is how I hope to live mine and invite you to live yours.
Still, what I want in my life
is to be willing
to be dazzled —
to cast aside the weight of facts
and maybe even
to float a little
above this difficult world.
I want to believe I am looking
into the white fire of a great mystery.
I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing —
that the light is everything — that it is more than the sum
of each flawed blossom rising and fading. And I do.
In loving memory, Rosemary Susan Fletcher 1950-2011
Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials. ~Lin Yutang
I have no idea who Lin Yutang is (or was,) but he’s a wise man (or woman.) You see, I created a lot of pressure for myself in trying to write both for my blog and my book. I haven’t figured out how to do both. When I’m concentrating on one, the other suffers. So last week, when the juices started flowing for the book, (which I confess, they haven’t done in some time,) I wondered how on earth I would get it all done.
Then my friend (and fellow writer,) Mary, suggested I focus on the book and forget the blog. At first my inner type A was indignant. It scoffed at the idea. And then I thought, yes. Why not? Will I get scads of angry e-mails from hundreds of disappointed readers? I don’t flatter myself that there are that many. Besides, the purpose of the blog is to familiarize people with my writing so they will buy my book. So, I finished another memoir chapter and I’m writing this in the final hour.
So much of our stress is self-induced. Feeling short on time? Do you really have to make that yoga class a third time this week? If it’s stressing you out just to get there, you’re kind of defeating the purpose. Will you or your family have to go naked if you skip the laundry this weekend? Throw in a load of socks and underwear and be done with it. Let it go. You may find, like me, that once you let yourself off the hook, things are much easier to accomplish. Sometimes it’s not the items themselves on the list that cause the tension, just the fact that there’s a list in the first place. I’ll try to remember that next week.
Amy F. Quincy Author/Freelance Writer 