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Amy F. Quincy Author/Freelance Writer

Author

amyfquincy

Freelance Writer

Activism for Dummies

resistViva la resistance!

For those of you who don’t like loose ends, this is a follow-up to prior political posts. One was called “What To Do” and had a picture of a yo-yo. I think it’s safe to say, I’ve decided. And this picture of good ol’ Greenpeace’s stunt is self-explanatory. Resist.

Resist, not fight. For me, it’s an important distinction. Fighting implies militant violence. Resistance implies remaining peacefully on the defense. Maybe it’s a six-year-old’s argument (he started it!) but I like it. Trump’s infantile behavior seems to goad my inner child and I have to keep from chanting “liar liar, pants on fire!” When he goes low, I want to go lower.

But instead, I’m taking action beyond the recent Women’s March. Here’s how:

Dive in. I’ve started an action group with some people from my building. I’ve called the offices of congressional members and sent emails and postcards alike. I have no idea what I’m doing, to be sure, but I don’t think that’s too important. I’m making it up as I go along. It’s best not to think too far ahead, about the more daunting aspects, like what the hell I’m going to say when all these people are sitting in my living room next week. It’s the passion and motivation of it that matter. Go where the energy is. Sometimes you need to act first and think later.

Don’t be afraid. It’s scary to stand up and speak out, especially to friends or family members who might have different views. But I know you’re out there, you who’ve gone politically silent on Facebook. You know who you are. Come out. You’re not alone. I remember physically shaking as I stood by myself on a corner, a young twenty-something, handing out flyers to protest the circus. I wasn’t ready. I think my heart was in the right place, but P.E.T.A. was a little too radical a choice for trying out my activist’s voice. It was either the flyers or a bloody tiger suit. Geez. Start small instead. And find like-minded people. There’s strength in numbers.

Put on selective blinders. If you’re a sensitive soul who winds up too upset or too angry reading the opposing views on social media – well – don’t read everything. You know whose posts or tweets to avoid. The likelihood of changing anyone’s mind is very slim. As a writer, that’d be a plus, but I don’t see that as the point. But stirring people into action, people that already feel the same way as me, might be. And don’t review or count your contacts to see who has unfriended you. Who needs the heartache? Let it go.

Don’t live in a bubble. Try not to only surround yourself with people who think exactly as you do. I have some friends with whom I can still have polite, civil discourse. My cleaning person and I have an unspoken war with the television channel. When I leave the house, it’s set to MSNBC. When I come back, it’s on Fox News. One of these days, I’m going to offer to watch an hour of Fox if she’ll watch an hour of “liberal, dishonest media.” It’s good to know what the other side is saying.

Educate yourself. Understanding what’s going on has been like time traveling back to my tenth grade American Civics class. I read somewhere that I needed to call both of my senators and one house member. (Two? I have two senators? Who knew? Well yeah, I guess I remember learning that.) It’s okay if you need a refresher course. Take it from someone who’s never followed much politics. And if you remember my writing that I’d get a hold of my addiction to cable news after the Inauguration, I lied. I was wrong. I’m an adult. I can admit that. But I can’t stop watching now. I still can’t follow most arguments for or against the electoral college and I had to look up xenophobia, but for the most part, I can now hold my own in a political conversation.

So, my mom is almost giddy with pride at finally being able to pass the baton to me. In my defense, my generation and the ones adjacent to it, grew up taking a lot for granted. We’ve always had the right to vote, attend public schools and watch and let our children watch Sesame Street. We’ve lived in a time when racism was properly in the closet and gay people could come out of it. We listened to your stories of the sixties and some of us felt envious. It’s not that we were uninterested in fighting, we just never had anything to fight for. Not like this.

Critics of the march and some media wonder if the protestors can last, organize themselves into a movement. They say there are too many individual groups resisting for their own reasons. Civil rights, women’s rights, LGBT rights, immigration rights. We need a unifying message, a solidarity of purpose, a simple soundbite. Umm, this is just me taking a stab at it here, but a single word? How ’bout … democracy?

 

Must See TV

thStay tuned …

for a tweet from your president-elect.

Okay, despite that small dig, I’m not going to be contentious. Or I’ll try hard not to be. Instead, I’ll attempt to unite my readers with something that surely we can all agree on: this is some good entertainment.

As you may know, I never used to watch politics or the news. Even innocuous stuff like the weather. I made fun of my mother for watching it 24/7 and then wondering why she thought the sky was falling. She’d come into my apartment, raining all over my sunshine about some “Storm of the Century” and telling me we needed to head out for supplies before the lines got too bad. And, of course, barely a branch came down.

It was last week sometime before eight in the morning as I cackled in delight over Mitt Romney’s dinner of cooked crow and the possibility of Republican in-fighting when I realized I might be hooked. Women always become their mothers. To resist is futile.

Next week is the finale of The Voice and I haven’t tuned in since the debates. What’s the world coming to? My guilty pleasure doesn’t even involve guilt anymore. It’s a marathon of Real Politicians of the United States and I’m making popcorn at 1:00 in the afternoon and pressing pause when I have to go to the bathroom. I’ve even started staying up late for SNL. I get all the jokes now.

And I’m smarter, too. I don’t shy away from political conversations. I’m all too happy to show off my new found knowledge. If Mom blanks on the name of some perfectly qualified billionaire cabinet pick, (okay, second dig) I’m right there supplying the name like a smug teacher’s pet, waving her hand about wildly. (Pick me! Pick me!)

There is one person clearly loving this more than me, though. Donald Trump. As evidenced by his “I told you so tour” … a-hem … I mean, “thank you tour.” (Okay, I’ll stop counting.) But really, can anyone doubt the sheer satisfaction derived from having “never-Trumpers” doing their walk of shame past the press pool up the gleaming elevators of Trump Tower? Air Force One may have a “ridiculous” price tag, but that is priceless.

I’m still the same person, though. I believe in balance and meditating and not watching too much TV, even if it is Top World Leader instead of Top Chef. I want to accept the things I can’t control and not make myself nuts yelling at the TV like a crazy person. I strive towards Zen.

So like any good addict, I’ve given myself a deadline. The inauguration. I promise I’ll stop then. I mean, I can’t stop cold turkey! It’s my duty as a citizen to stay informed! Besides, you know the creator of Celebrity Apprentice is said to be involved in Trump’s big day. The mere thought of the next president flying in by helicopter has me giddy with excitement at the absurdity. Besides, in the words of a favorite cable news anchor, “This is not the time to stop paying attention.”

 

 

 

What To Do

yo-yo_coloring_pageDeal with it. Move on. Fight. Stand up for what you believe in. In the wake of the 2016 election, many people are wondering what to do next. It’s a conundrum. Every day I vacillate.

I’ve considered turning off the cable news that has become the background noise to all my activities. (I’ve become my mother.) But it’s pointless. The addiction has already taken hold. Last night, I watched politics instead of The Voice. What’s the world coming to?

I’ve even contemplated staying off of Facebook. Or becoming a lurker. You know, reading all, but posting nothing. It’s painful to realize that friends or family feel differently than we do. When the people with whom we shared a daily motivational quote or a funny cat video suddenly make their political beliefs known. Oh, we think. She’s one of them. People are hurt or angered by the unfriending going on. Don’t be. It’s natural for people to want to surround themselves with like-minded individuals. People are hurt and emotions are running high.

I can feel my own stress building. The distance between my ears and shoulders grows shorter every day. Never underestimate the toll stress takes on your body. Particularly, if you’re paying attention. Particularly, if you’re in the losers corner. My dad reminded me of the dangers of getting too wrapped up in things. “There’s no point in worrying about what you can’t control.” He lectured me. Wait. That’s my line! So this afternoon, I had a massage from a 19-year old handsome latino named Louis. That helped a little.

Writing helps too. Having to put things into words helps clarify my own feelings. A group of comedians were on the news the other day. They felt all artists had a duty to use their talent to shine a light on the situation, to give voice to the masses who felt as they did. Woah. A duty? I have a few writer friends who aren’t going to like that one. I think, instead, what you do – Democrat or Republican, artist or not – is up to you. It’s personal. I remember trembling all over just to hand out brochures protesting the circus. Conflict and confrontation are hard. Maybe you feel motivated. Maybe you keep your mouth shut. Maybe you need to unfriend some people just to have the strength to turn on the computer. Let’s try not to judge each other.

Personally, I’m curtailing my Facebook activity. Which is not to say I won’t be active in standing up for what I believe in. But I’m not going to be sharing any “in your face” posts. I think I’ll leave that to the people who are comfortable with the “in your face” approach. The people who can stick a flyer “in your face” without shaking.  And the world needs them. I’ll do my part by giving money to the organizations I feel are threatened by the incoming administration. That and sharing the feel-good stuff. And funny cat videos, of course.

Accepting and Protesting

solIt seems the world is falling apart. With the election of Donald J. Trump into the White House, protests have broken out across America and family and friends aren’t speaking to one another.

I’m grappling with this myself, I am. A Democrat and supporter of liberal ideals, I woke up Wednesday morning, donned all black, plastered a homemade sign on the back of my power chair with the words “not my president” and headed out to Memorial Park to walk Frankie. I saw no one. It was a quiet, drizzly morning and it’s safe to say, true to the grief process, much of the left-leaning world was still in shock and denial. I was my own one-woman protest. And I had no followers except a dog and he was more leading anyway (and not even donning a cute shirt like ‘Mutts Against Mitt’).

Then I came home and tearfully listened to Hillary’s concession speech (unfortunately the best and most authentic speech I’ve heard her give). “Our constitutional democracy enshrines the peaceful transfer of power. We don’t just respect that, we cherish it.” Yes, I thought. And in the spirit of that speech, and not wanting to add to the divisiveness, threw away my sign.

Then the protests started, some of them chanting the very same words I had printed out on my computer, and I felt compelled to get back in the fray again. Cher and Madonna say I need to fight! The wonderful thing about living in a democracy is being allowed the freedom to disagree – loudly even.

But here’s the thing – it’s turning violent and ugly. They are also chanting F*** Trump. I would never be comfortable chanting that no matter how much I dislike the man.

So here’s what I’ve decided today. I’m going back to what Hillary said and what rings true to my own heart. I’m focusing on the peaceful transfer of power. What I’m having a little more trouble with is owing Trump an “open mind and the chance to lead.” Really? Do I really owe him that?

I don’t have all the answers. I’m watching it unfold just like all of you. I’m emotional,  sleep-deprived and struggling with my civic responsibilities and friendships.

But I will also exercise my freedom of speech and cherish the fact that I live in a country in which I am free to object and stand up against any would be leaders. So, my presence on Facebook may be just a little more political. I have dear friends, Republicans or even Trump voters, who read my blog. I have tried (sort of) to remain publicly neutral for the sake of my writing. I guess I don’t feel I can anymore. If I lose readers, so be it. Not only is writing wonderfully cathartic, it is my peaceful protest.

Frankie Goes to Riverside

More Moxie

This week will be a special re-post of something I wrote in January of 2013 about my dear friend, Diana Lane. A post called “Moxie Personified” …

amy & diana

 

 

 

And you guys think I’m gutsy. Meet Diana Lain. More positive, more adventurous, more disabled than me. And more full of life than most anyone I know, able-bodied or otherwise.

It’s not often I meet someone with this much gumption. She’s game for anything and loves speed. Some of you may recognize her from other adaptive sport photos. She waterskis, body surfs and plays power soccer (driving the ball into the goal with a power wheelchair.) Not to mention, occasionally joins in on bowling and billiards nights. All this is made more remarkable because she doesn’t have much use of her limbs.

Diana was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1992 and has lived with friend, caregiver and trusty sidekick, Kathy Bailey, for close to 10 years (read the recent article that appeared in The Florida Times-Union.) I don’t remember actually meeting them. It seems, instead, they’ve always been there, giving me countless rides in their wheelchair van since my own disability, and becoming my good friends along the way.

So, I didn’t hesitate when they invited me to check out Little Talbot Island on New Year’s Day. The park has plenty of boardwalks, bike trails and accessible restrooms, so it didn’t feel I was living too close to the edge. I forgot who my companions were.

Our first escapade came when Diana spotted a seagull with a broken wing in a parking lot. I think I have a bleeding heart when it comes to creatures of nature. Next to Diana, I’m the hunter poised to take out Bambi’s mom. Continue reading “More Moxie”

Loving Lobster

lobsterThere’s nothing like a good movie to get the ol’ creative juices flowing. I think art inspires art. Creativity inspires creativity. And a good movie inspires a good review.

Maybe I’m growing fond of the indie, art house type films that I’m increasingly exposed to in my new neighborhood. (We may not get mainstream blockbusters like The Secret Life of Pets, but The Lobster topped the Sun-Ray marquis for weeks.) Maybe I favor the setting – a futuristic, dystopian world. Or maybe I love that this social satire’s message seems to be –  society’s pressure to couple off leaves single people with some pretty bleak options.

The surreal tale begins as David (Colin Farrell) is left by his wife for another short sighted man. Usually devastating news anywhere, in the world writer/director Yorgos Lanthimos has created, it’s akin to a death sentence. David must now move from the couples-only city to a countryside resort where he has 45 days to secure a suitable partner or be turned into the animal of his choosing (a lobster, hence the title). Doomed guests can avoid this fate by either capturing “Loners” (an escaped band of rebels) during organized hunts, thereby extending their stay as humans or by escaping to the woods to become one of the hunted loners themselves. Aside from all the hunting, other drawbacks to the life of the loner include the complete denial of all romance, even activities as innocuous as flirting, and a chaste existence for all eternity. These are the options for a single person. (That’s all.)

Personalities of the lovelorn singles are comically summed up, with a nod to today’s online dating profiles, by a succinct “defining characteristic.” After befriending “Lisping Man” (John C. Reilly), David attempts to hide his true nature and partner up with “Heartless Woman” (Angeliki Papoulia) which ends as badly as you might expect. He then flees to the woods and soon falls in real love with a partner for which he is truly suited, “Short Sighted Woman,” (Rachel Weisz). Only now, as Loners, their love is tragically forbidden and they must plot to escape back to the city where they can live happily ever after as a matched couple.

The film is dark and disturbing, right down to its ambiguous “did he or didn’t he” ending. In bizarre, out-of-character twists, I chose to believe the bleakest outcome, based on the fact that the entire movie is a little depressing, while my mother went for the happy ending. Either way, this film can be a little much for some and is not for everyone. Personally, I loved it. Especially after a second viewing cemented the story line for me and I picked up on more of its clever concepts. It’s billed as a black comedy and I’ve even read it described as hilarious. I think only the seriously deranged could find it that funny. The best joke comes at the resort as the hotel manager explains that any new couple unable to resolve their differences will be assigned children because that usually helps. That is pretty funny, but, in my opinion, the movie is just too surreal and haunting to be hilarious. And you’re more likely to love it if you take your black comedy heavy on the black, light on the ha-has. Mom may be rubbing off on me yet. Or more likely, I just really appreciate the joke. As I said in my book, it’s a sad commentary on society when disability is a welcome reprieve from being unmarried and over the age of forty. Now that would be a really dark comedy. A society in which you must marry by forty or become crippled. Hey, maybe screenwriting’s in my future.

 

 

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May be too much for some. Depends on how dark you like your comedy. I found it heavy on the dark, light on the comedy, one of the best jokes being. Thanks to Mom, incr tolerance. And as someone known to joke that disability saved me from the social stigma of being unmarried by 40 (gasp!) I found the message not to be missed.

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Pokéman Prejudice

 

UnknownWell, it’s finally happened. A cultural phenomenon has brought me out of hiding to weigh in on it. Pokémon Go. I hate it. But I’m sure many of you could have guessed that. I am, after all, over the age of 40. I’m not big on technology. And I can barely drive my power chair in a straight line, let alone walk in one (although that clearly is not a requirement). But in the spirit of love and kindness, I’m examining my Pokémon prejudice and trying to face it with an open mind and a healthy dose of tolerance.

It’s been several weeks since my beloved Memorial Park was taken over by those masses traveling in packs looking down at their cell phones. Gone are the moments of peaceful solitude. Gone are the exchanges of pleasantries with strangers. Gone are the critters. (Yes, I’ve become the crazy squirrel lady, carrying baggies full of raw peanuts to throw the creatures from my wheelchair, like some kind of modern day, politically correct version of Cinderella.) And yes, I’ve lived here seven months now. That’s long enough to call the park mine. Heck, Frankie thought he owned it by day two.

Although, I do enjoy seeing grown adults stumble into bushes, my distaste for the pastime grew when I waited with a group at a crosswalk behind some guy on a bike absorbed in playing. When the signal changed, he played on, finally waving a couple on foot, past him. They easily went up and over the curb to get around him, just as the light changed again. I remained blocked and he remained oblivious to my existence, despite all my exasperated huffing. Luckily, his girlfriend had herself veered off to catch a Pokémon, but was paying enough attention behind me to tell him to get out of my way. Maybe it’s just me, but I think men are more susceptible to falling into this trance, or stupor if you will, much the same as with television. (Sorry men.)

My opinion further solidified when a friend read over the online guidelines in an attempt to see what all the fuss was about and if we were, in fact, missing out on something. He was reading aloud all the descriptions of the various Pokéballs, Poké-eggs, Poliwhirls and Poliwags and how the object of collecting Pokémon monsters was to battle other avatars in the Pokémon Gyms. The object of the game, he read, was to win prizes, advance levels and “become one of the most powerful trainers in the alter-universe.” He stopped reading at this point and looked up at me. “This is some bulls**t,” he declared.

But on to the love and kindness. I had long ago given up on trying to say hello to these Pokémon people and was stopped in the shade of the park’s trees, when a young man rushed over to me. “Can I help you? Let me get that.” He then proceeded to pick up Frankie’s water bowl until he realized in mid-action, it was full. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you dropped that. I wasn’t paying attention.”  He admitted it! And granted, playing Pokémon had caused him to rush to my aid unnecessarily, but what good intentions! We then proceeded to have a nice conversation (about Pokémon) in which he described its appeal and showed me the screen on his phone. Apparently, there’s the benefit of family time and exercise, though I’d hesitate to call wandering at a glacial pace, stopping dead and generally getting in everyone’s way exercise. But the point is, he was a nice guy. And once I stopped seeing everyone as either a Pokémon player or not, viewing everyone with an “us versus them” mentality, I could see that.

So in the face of this Pokémon-mania and fresh off the “love trumps hate” bus that was the Democratic National Convention this past week, I’m trying to see past my personal prejudices. The world is not black or white, nor all good or all bad. Decide for yourself. Ask questions. Talk to each other. You’ll see. All Clinton supporters are not tree-hugging lesbians. All Trump supporters are not uneducated morons. (Harder to believe, I know.) And all Pokémon players are not ridiculous. After all, they may be a bit distracted, but Pokémon players are people too.

 

Adventures in Misadventures

bookstore-bestsellers-16563259I’m here. I’m back I did not fall off of the face of the earth. As you might have guessed, settling into a new neighborhood, publishing a book and consistently putting out a blog post was a little too much for me. Something had to give – sorry.

It turns out that writing the book was the easy part. And it also turns out that some cover designers don’t understand the difference between a hospital wheelchair and one that’s designed to sit in every day. But I’m teaching them. And learning a lot in the process.23015

I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to get the @#$# thing out that I missed several of your good wishes and inquiries on how to purchase the book. The easiest way will be to order online from Amazon (though they’ll take their cut). That’s probably best if you don’t live in Jacksonville and I’ll post an announcement when it’s available. Otherwise, you may want to pick up a copy from me, especially if you know you’ll see me!

So to prove I haven’t been kicking back at Sun-Ray or Memorial Park with Frankie all day, I give you a piece I’m writing into the end of Misadventures of a Happy Heart: A Memoir of Life Beyond Disability. Consider it a sneak preview. Enjoy!

How To Have Your Own Misadventures

1. Don’t take things so seriously. Cultivate your sense of humor.
Learn to laugh at yourself. I don’t mean to sound like an R.E.M. song, but it’s a fact. People like to be around (and help) happy, smiling people. And let’s face it, sometimes the most humorous thing about the situation is you…if you choose to see it. You may already stick out like a sore thumb and everybody’s staring anyway – have some fun with it. It may be cliché, but laughter really is the best medicine.

2. Don’t define yourself by tragedy.
Don’t become known as “the girl in the wheelchair” or “the guy who had the skiing accident.” Make your life about something more than whatever tragic thing happened to you. Do you want to be introduced as “the divorcée” forever? Make your story about something positive, not negative. There’s power in words. If you’re constantly reliving a negative event, through words or thoughts, you’re putting that energy out into the world. Put positive out and get positive back.

3. Consider getting a dog.
I highly recommend living with an animal of some kind. It keeps you from getting lonely (if you live alone). One study showed that not only were pet owners less lonely, but they were healthier and had higher self-esteem too! Plus, owning a dog gets you outside for all those walks, rain or shine. And if you have a disability, a dog can be a great icebreaker. Many able-bodied people may stop to talk with you that normally would not have, which helps to build disability awareness. And there are so many homeless pets. Contact your local humane society, ASPCA or The National Association of Service Dogs.

4. Live in a walkable community.
If you can no longer drive, this is key to regaining your independence. Even if you still drive, life is too short to spend stressful hours in traffic. Getting out to grocery shop or run errands is good for you and allows you to meet your neighbors. And, if disabled, doing things for yourself can make you feel competent and confident!

5. Get involved. Socialize. Help others.
For me, all three of these things came together in Adaptive Sports and Recreation. Exercise is important for your physical and mental health. And most importantly, it allows you to make friends, often with people going through something similar. Call around. Your local hospital, rehab center or doctor’s office may be a good place to start. Seek out support groups. You’ll find there’s usually always someone worse off than you. Offer your assistance or be a mentor to others. You’ll find this gets you out of yourself and your own problems and reminds you to be grateful for what you have.

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